


Advanced Concepts in Bro-Code

by Pookaseraph



Series: CMUniverse [3]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Carnegie Mellon, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Pittsburgh, Pre-Slash, Wheelchairs, brief mentions of homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:53:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pookaseraph/pseuds/Pookaseraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Charles go grocery shopping in preparation for the coming school year and run into Erik and two of his sisters. Tony plays the perfect wingman and sets himself up to wind up in hot water with Erik at a later date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Advanced Concepts in Bro-Code

Tony was instantly somewhat dubious of a store called 'Giant Eagle'. It wasn't that he had anything against eagles of any size, but the name was rather... strange. It was apparently one of the closest 'proper' supermarkets to campus and he and Charles were staking it out and acquiring a large variety of fruit, juice, snacks, milk, and cereal. As far as Tony was concerned, it was far too early to be up on a Sunday morning, but Charles was cheerfully wheeling around the produce section and inspecting fruit for consumption while any number of other people were out doing their own shopping. He was pleased to see that, for the most part, people were leaving Charles a respectful amount of room to wheel around and Charles was enjoying the opportunity get off campus and shop - even if it was just for food.

He was currently trying to decide if he actually wanted apples or not. He was leaning towards not, mostly because Charles would end up buying too much fruit and then he would steal something towards the end of its shelf life anyway. He left the cart over in the produce section and then went off to raid the cereal, because there was nothing quite like munching on horrible sugar cereal while in the midst of intellectual breakthrough - and Tony expected to be in its midst frequently now that classes and lab time were starting up tomorrow.

"Erik! Erik! Want frosted flakes."

Tony looked up and saw... well... Erik, standing next to a pair of shopping carts with a sprog - approximately three or four maybe - who was tugging on his arm while Erik looked completely exasperated. For one horrifying moment, Tony contemplated the idea that Erik had at some time in the past procreated, and that the dirty blonde haired sprog he was responsible for was actually his daughter, but then he realized that kids didn't - as a rule - call their parents by their first name. No, that honor was reserved for parents like Sharon.

"No frosted flakes," Erik growled at her, while obviously attempting to navigate the breakfast food aisle, which was very much like the candy aisle in some ways, designed for parents to have to pass by the brightly colored boxes of crap food in order to find the oatmeal or something else wholesome.

Tony, however, could be a bit of an asshole. "The girl wants frosted flakes, Erik."

Erik's head shot up from where he was browsing and caught sight of Tony. The look on his face started as something that Tony interpreted as 'oh god, it's you' before it faded into something more neutral. "Tony. _Lorna_ is nonetheless not having frosted flakes." As if to make his point he tugged a bag of store brand fruit loopy things out from the bottom shelf and tossed it into one of the carts. He looked like he was going to ignore Tony after that, but then he straightened and turned back towards Tony. "First trip to the store?"

Tony nodded. "So... how many illegitimate sprogs do you have, anyway, Lehnsherr?"

Erik rolled his eyes. "None, Stark." Again Tony could see a certain amount of tension in the other man before he seemed to steel himself for actual socialization. "Lorna's my sister. Lorna, this is Tony, we go to school together." The little girl waved at him and gave him a very cheerful 'hi'.

Tony waved back before grabbing an exceptionally large drum of oatmeal, which was not his style but Charles would want it. Erik arched an eyebrow. "It's for Charles. I don't know how he eats it."

"Is..." Erik started, voice eager, but then he cleared his throat slightly before turning back to the cereal. "Is Charles here with you?"

Erik 'Mixed Signals' Lehnsherr struck again. Tony had _no_ idea what the guy's damage was, but he was very dubious of him while he continued to act like a mix between a hyperactive puppy and a bro-jock of broishness. "He's over in produce." And only barely managed to not bite out an added 'you know, with the fruits' because the absolute very last thing in the world that Tony wanted was for Charles to say something while they were _alone_ and then Erik would realize he was bi, and then he would get all dude-ly affronted and he would end up with a very beaten up Charles. He was fairly certain he could kill Erik and make it look like an accident, but there were only so many times he was willing to let his friend get his heart trampled on by the straight guys that Charles seemed to find himself attracted to.

"I should say hi." Erik then didn't go anywhere, instead he continued to browse the cereal.

Tony fled the scene clinging to corn pops, frosted mini wheats, and oatmeal. When he arrived back at the produce he found Charles molesting some grapes. He dropped the cereal into the cart and vaguely considered making a break for it, but then he leaned over the cart. "Erik's over in the cereal aisle."

Blinding blue smitten puppy eyes hit him full force. "Really?"

"He's here with his sister."

"Which one?"

Tony suppressed a mild frown. "How do you know how many sisters he has? The little one? Lorna."

"Three and a half-ish, blonde."

"Enjoys frosted flakes," Tony added, but he continued to be troubled by exactly how much hard drive space Charles was wasting on Erik.

Well... not wasting. While Tony firmly believed that Erik would make a fine friend - and possibly one he could plot total world domination with by creating evil robotic overlords, Tony did not particularly like Charles sending his affection in the general direction of men who were too large for Tony to reasonably intimidate. There were always robotic exoskeletons to contend with, of course, but Erik had him outclassed in the scary category. He needed to have a discussion with Charles about his taste in men.

"I'll go say hello, then." Of course, because the chances of Charles passing up an opportunity to see Erik were very slim.

Tony bagged some grapes and then followed after Charles, cart just behind his friend's chair. Charles found Erik with little difficulty and wheeled himself up and to the side, looking up at Erik and just making the most disgusting googoo eyes Tony had seen in quite some time. Charles seemed to be in danger of falling completely for Erik, and Tony was already fretting about whenever this exploded in their faces.

"Erik, hey."

"Charles." Erik was back to that weird reserved-yet-excited puppy dog behavior and Tony wasn't certain what to make of that.

"I... guess you live around here, then?"

"Just up the street."

Tony found himself leaning up against the cart that contained Lorna. "Hey," he said to the blonde.

"I like frosted flakes," she responded.

"Me, I'm more of a frosted mini wheats sort of guy, delicious and high in fiber."

Lorna made a face, sticking her tongue out. Tony responded in kind and apparently they were now BFFs because Tony was getting his beard tugged on and this was why he was _never_ having children. Ever.

"Excuse me," a very displeased female voice said from behind him, and Tony removed Lorna's hands from his beard before he spun and saw a very adorable young lady with bright red hair. The girl dumped an armful of groceries into the cart.

"Oh, you are very much excused..." Tony barely resisted the urge to check her out completely, but her face was adorably well shaped with bright blue eyes and a slightly square jaw that just made her apoplectic jaw clenching more adorable. "Tony Stark." He held out his hand.

"Anya Lehnsherr," she answered, immediately, before she realized she hadn't actually wanted to introduce herself. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Exactly what do you think you're doing with my baby sister?"

Erik was still only a few feet away and he... might stop Tony from getting the cops called on him. "I was trying to decide how much she might fetch on eBay..." Her horrified expression made him second think the humor approach. "Okay, actually I'm friends with your brother, see..." He pointed at Erik, who was leaning against one of the grocery shelves in an effort to not be so tall next to Charles. "Definitely not dangerous."

Anya looked over to Erik who gave her a distracted wave before she turned back to Tony and squinted at him. "What do you study?"

"Robots."

She looked like she might have been trying to decide how to test him to see if he was actually a student, even though Erik hadn't objected to his presence and Lorna had taken the opportunity of Tony's back being towards her to tug at the back of his head. "Favorite author?"

"I'm supposed to say Asimov, I know, but I'm actually going to say Huxley."

"Pre or post 1955?"

Tony was in love. "Pre."

She continued to look at him, still not quite certain what to make of him, arms crossed, but suspicion seemed to be waning. "I need to get more things," she said. "Don't do anything funny."

Tony glanced behind him, Erik and Charles were still chatting away, which was adorable and disgusting all at once, and Tony made his decision to be an excellent BFF. "Well, I can help. I can even push a cart". And to demonstrate he wheeled the cart around in Anya's direction and started to push. She eyed him again, and then glanced to her brother, and then back to Tony.

"Fine." And then Tony stole away with two of Erik's sisters while the man continued to chat with Charles. "So... is that Charles?"

"Hmm?"

"The boy Erik was talking to, is that Charles?"

"Did your brother tell you about Charles and not me? I'm crushed, really. I'm very memorable and charming, but it seems that's wasted on your brother." He sighed, theatrically.

Anya rolled her eyes. "Yeah... whatever."

"Really, I am. I'm going to steal your brother and we're going to program robots and take over the world."

"Does Erik know that?"

"No," Tony admitted. "Do you think he'll mind?"

She glanced back towards Charles and Erik one more time before she shook her head. "Maybe."

He spent the next half hour or so being very helpful, picking up huge bags of rice and spices and potatoes and other things, peppering Anya with questions. She was apparently a junior in high school, loved chemistry - Tony even managed to _not_ make a joke about that - and physics, and generally seemed like a brilliant little fireball. She loved science fiction and Dungeons and Dragons and Shadowrun and she was probably one of the geekiest women that he had ever had the privilege of meeting, and he'd done his undergraduate at MIT!

"So are you going to follow your brother to CMU?" He asked, trying to sort through the bulk value meat at Anya's instruction.

"Nah." She was looking away now, and Tony frowned at the back of her head.

"MIT, maybe? You could start a rivalry with your brother."

"I don't think I'm going."

"Berkeley? Berkeley is good." A little far away... but good.

"No, I mean... I don't think I'm going to college." She shrugged. "It's just a bunch more classes, right?"

She'd just spent the last half hour going on and on about how much she _loved_ her classes, so Tony was having a hard time figuring out why she could possibly not want to go to college. "Well... I guess," he conceded. "But they're fun classes, organic chemistry... particle physics... I think..." He trailed off, completely unable to figure out what he could possibly do to convince her to go to college. "Well... did you take the SATs?"

She shrugged again. "2240."

Tony was going to get her into college if it was the last thing he did. He would possibly steal her social security number and apply for her himself if it came to that. "You should come down to the robotics institute sometime, they have this arm you can program to do all sorts of things, it's really cool."

She looked back at him and gave him a weak and sad sort of smile. "Maybe."

"Hey... it... whenever, or not. I'd like to show you." She wasn't looking at him again, and Tony found himself surprisingly desperate to get her back to the smiling ball of energy she'd been five minuts ago. "Do you chat? Email?"

"I have email at school..." She answered after a moment.

He tugged out his and Charles' grocery list and then scratched his email address on the back of it and handed it to her. "If you're bored."

"Yeah."

She looked down at the address and then tucked it into her pocket before she prodded him to get back to the task at hand. He loaded up a few of the larger packs of meat before Erik came over, his eyes - and the rest of him - looking a bit thunderous before he saw that Tony and Anya had just been working their way through the Lehnsherr family grocery list. "We should get going, Anya."

"Right. We're just finishing up."

Erik left his and Charles' cart - also mostly filled with their groceries - near the head of the aisle and Charles wheeled over and gave him a winning grin. "Thanks, Tony. Erik was just..." Charles fell silent after a moment. "Do you want to offer them a lift? We have space."

"What?" He noted the two full carts of groceries and had figured that they must have taken a car over, but apparently not. "Sure. We can take them home."

It took them another twenty minutes to get everyone checked out and their groceries in the X-Mobile - which was awesomely (and ostentatiously) gold and red. Charles was locked into the back, Erik sitting next to him behind Tony's seat, with Anya - and Lorna on her lap - riding shotgun. It took almost a mile to get to casa de Lehnsherr, and it was a narrow little duplex tucked away in some corner that Tony had to pass three synagogues to get to, it was slim and narrow, with an impressive stoop and a tiny little porch on the front. He was pretty sure Charles couldn't have even gotten through the front door under his own power.

"I'll... um..." Erik hesitated behind Tony and he could barely hear them talking. "I'll see you later?"

"Of course, Erik."

Anya had slid out of her own seat and was now standing near the rolled down drivers side door. "Nice to meet you, Tony."

"Yeah... you too, Anya."

He watched as two more children appeared from the house, a very light blond haired boy and another red-head, both about ten or so, and they grabbed all of the groceries and had them into the house quickly. Finally he and Charles were away, heading back towards home.

"Thanks for... you know, giving me a chance to talk to Erik alone," Charles said from the back seat.

Tony just stared down at his GPS, trying to find a way out of the neighborhood and back to a road he recognized.

"Yeah... you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Where did this come from?! I have no idea. Is this pre-ship? I HAVE NO IDEA!
> 
> Side note for my non-US readers: The SAT is a standard college entrance exam, SAT scores are (post 2004ish) out of 2400 and a 2240 is a _very_ good score on it.


End file.
